i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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