white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
