Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
