if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
