I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
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You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
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And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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