He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
you never un-have a 4some
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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