so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
