drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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