That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
