dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
