one might say we're banned from that church
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
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I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
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i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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