i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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