Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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