well I can't set my house on fire every night
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
