"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
