i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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