we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
