So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
