An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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