drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm passing your future prison.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
