She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
