she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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