think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
