I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
