I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
