we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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