If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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