What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
