Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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