I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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