He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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