All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
