just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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