here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
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Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
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I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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