I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
