ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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