glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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