I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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