He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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