he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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