we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
