you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
