I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I cut my penus on the lid.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
