so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
