So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
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I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
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i think my cat just said my name.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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