I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
