I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
