So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
