The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
