I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
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there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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