none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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