so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
