Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
