He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
