so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
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just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
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I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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