so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Two words: blizzard sex
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
