DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Girls should come with a carfax report
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.