I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO