Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch