now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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