Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work