I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
