What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
