I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
