dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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