I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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