on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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