i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
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